How to communicate with my teenage children

 

Where is the difficulty?

When a child is young, he tells you everything; when he is a teenager, he doesn't tell you anything. When you ask him about things, he either throws a word or two to you, or says something that makes you angry. As a result, your home becomes a battlefield!However, you can  learn how to talk to teenagers. Why do you have difficulty communicating with your children? Let us first look at two factors. *

Why is this happening?

Want to be independent If your child wants to grow up to be a responsible adult, he must learn how to deal with the challenges and dangers on the road in life. He is like changing from a passenger in a car to a driver, and he has to learn how to drive a car. Some teenagers want a lot of freedom, more freedom than they should have; but some parents don't give their children much freedom, even less than they should. As a result, parents and children started a tug-of-war, their relationship became very tense, and everyone  was very unhappy. 16-year-old Brad* complained: "My parents like to control my every move. If they don't give me more freedom when I turn 18, I will move out immediately!

Logical thinking ability 

When children are young, their thinking is black and white, right and wrong, but when they are in their teens, many teenagers find that there are gray areas in things. This is very important for cultivating logical thinking ability and can also help young people develop Good judgment. For example, fairness is very simple for children: "Mom divides a piece of cake in half, half for brother, and half for me. This is fairness!" For children, fairness is like 1 plus 1 equals 2 So simple. But young people know that fairness is not that simple. After all, fairness does not mean giving everyone the same treatment, and giving everyone the same treatment is not necessarily fair. Such logical thinking skills can help young people try to understand complex problems and start to have their own ideas about things. What are the side effects? It’s just that he might disagree with your opinion, as if singing against you.

What should parents do?

Try to find opportunities to chat with their children easily. Some parents find that their children don’t like their father or mother to talk to them face-to-face, but if they have a more relaxed atmosphere with them, such as doing housework or riding in the car, the children will be more comfortable. Willing to speak to the parents. -Biblical principle: Deuteronomy 6:6,7.

Don't say too much. Don't say everything until your child agrees completely. This will make you and your child very angry. On the contrary, just say your main point. Because when the child calms down alone, he will slowly think about what you have said, and then he will "listen" your words. Give your children room to do this! -Biblical principle: Proverbs 1:1-4.

Listen carefully and be reasonable. You must listen carefully to your child and don't interrupt him so that you can clearly understand the problem. When you answer your child, be reasonable. If you are too strict and refuse to give in at all, the child will try to exploit the "legal loophole" and not listen to you. The book "No Generation Gap with Teenage Children" (English) warns parents: "If parents are too strict, children will become double-faced. They say what their parents want to hear in front of their parents, but turn their backs. Do what you want to do if you want your parents."—Bible principle: Philippians 4:5.

To calm down 

when Carrie was a teenager, she said: "When I disagree with my mother, I said that my mother was not happy, and then I became very angry myself, and finally quarreled!" If it was the child's opinion Unlike you, don’t react too much. You can say something to show that you understand your child’s feelings. For example, don’t tell your child: "What is so annoying about this kind of thing!" Worry!"—Bible principle: Proverbs 10:19.

Try to guide the child rather than order the child what to do. The development of logical thinking skills in teenagers is like building muscles. When he encounters a problem and doesn't know what to do, don't "exercise" thinking ability on his behalf. When you discuss this with your child, encourage him to think about the solution. After you discuss the different solutions together, you can say something like this: "You can think about these solutions for a day or two, and then we will talk about which method you prefer and why you chose this method. ."—Biblical principle: Hebrews 5:14.

Words for teenagers

Do you want your parents to give you more freedom? Do you hope they really know you? In fact, you can make it easier for parents to do these two things. What should you do? Be willing to tell them what happened in your life. Don't hide anything. If you hide something, they won't be able to trust you completely. Getting the trust of your parents is the key to more freedom!

The point is, don’t wait for your parents to come and talk to you first, you should take the initiative to communicate with your parents. After telling your parents what happened to you today, also ask your parents what happened to them today. If you want to complain to your parents about something, don't forget to have a better attitude. Communication is a skill that you will use when you grow up in society! Now you can start training!